les voiles
Bret’s computer is playing “I’m Ready” by Tracy Chapman. It seems to fit the early afternoon well.
As men we have an innate understanding of our attraction to women. It feels completely natural for us to desire women, and I would venture to hazard that most of us can name a dozen things about women that pull us to them intensely. By the same token, it’s a safe bet that women feel the same about their attraction to us. If prompted, they could probably readily name qualities about us that are appealing to them in that profound way.
However, understanding each others’ motivations is considerably more difficult, if not impossible. I will speak for myself and say that as hard as I try, I cannot understand women’s attraction to men. It’s not false humility–I know we do have some redeeming qualities–but I just can’t get my mind around the attraction that produces the desire in them for us. When I say, “I can’t understand how a woman could love a man,” it’s not that I don’t recognize that many of us do have admirable traits to be worked for and desired, it’s just I have no concept of how an appreciation of those traits could undergird the kind of passionate attraction I witness. I have a hunch it’s the same in our direction: Most women recognize that they are beautiful and tender and intelligent and gentle and have a loveliness of spirit, but a deep understanding of how a knowledge of those qualities could produce love in men that would sacrifice life and limb to keep them safe is probably harder to come by. Our minds and emotions are just set up differently. There’s order and purpose there–the way it was created to be and the way it should be.
The interesting thing to me, and I was discussing this with Diane a few days ago, is the selfless acceptance of the affection from the other party in spite of our total lack of experiential understanding of how it is produced. In other words, when she expresses love toward me, I am not completely shocked and taken aback that someone could desire me in that way but it is not a selfish thing. It is not that I have an inflated view of myself in that I feel I have qualities that make me deserve affection–no one deserves love, in the truest sense of the concept–but that in spite of my lack of understanding of how she could love me, there is a deeper understanding of the order of things. There is something in me, down at the bedrock of who I am, that speaks and says, “This is right.” Of course that unselfish acceptance of the charity of another has as much potential as anything else to be distorted and turned into a spirit that feels we are owed that which we receive, but prudently kept out of that realm, it is a magnificent thing, something that speaks purpose and order louder than almost anything else (think of the magnitude of the emotions and the importance of the relationships with which it is associated), and reflects back on the Creator of our identities as men and women. Male and female He created them.
Hi Matt,
I too have missed the updates recently. Glad to hear everything is well, but moreover your writings have been a thought to ponder for each day. Many insightful ideas.
Today’s writing particulary grabs me. While I have likewise experienced fascinations as you describe (though unfortunately not recently), I would suggest how at odds that mystical attraction is with the phrase, “the way it should be”. What is unexplainable in one paragraph should not be so easily resolved in the next.
Take care,
Joel
Hey Joel. Glad to hear from you! Great to see you a couple of Sundays ago, too. I’m glad you enjoy my somewhat disjointed and incoherent ramblings :)
Between the somewhat unexplainable nature of the attraction we have for each other as men and women and the more “rational” order of things, there is a tension, no doubt. The post wasn’t so much an attempt to resolve things as just an observation from my experience about how things are. But you know that :)
Have a great day!
LOL! This is Joel in Raleigh. It’s been almost a year, my man. Perhaps Aaron and I will catch you next time you swing through here.
Oh! Hey Joel, haha. Yes, it has been a while. I hope the 911 is running well. My drive of it last year was a real treat :)
Hope to see you soon!
btw, I’m sure you heard about it, but when I first saw this article, I *really* thought that it had to be you ;)
http://www.wral.com/news/9505384/detail.html
Haha… Yes, I had heard about it. Makes me proud to hear stuff like that. Thanks for the link :)
:)