Went home to do laundry last night (the laundry machines at the apartment complex are forever breaking), had some of my mom’s leftover lasagna (best in the world, bar none), and started on my taxes. While folding laundry in the TV room I was talked by my mom into watching a tape of a recent Oprah that she had gotten from a friend. The guest on the show was the co-author of this book. Have any of you seen this? I had already actually seen him as a guest on Leno when I was flipping channels a few weeks ago.
The show was good. I think the basic principles advanced in the book and on television are true, by and large. There are far too many women out there who make excuses for men who are just never going to come around. Yes, the fantasy scenario exists where the man magically wakes up, realizes what he’s been missing, and becomes everything the woman ever wanted him to be for her, but realistically, we decide pretty quickly (varies from guy to guy) whether there are relationship possibilities or not, and honestly there’s not much that you can do to change that–a good incentive to just be yourselves day-in day-out. What takes guys like myself so long sometimes (think a month or two) is that we’re trying to build a solid friendship first before advancing to the next level, but if you’ve already got at least a rudimentary friendship and he’s not making the next move, then there’s very, very little chance that he will. That’s how it works.
Honestly though, watching the show got a little depressing. Yes, it’s empowering for men too. Yes, it encourages us to step up and take the initiative and be honest and upfront, which often entails sitting down and actually trying to figure out how we feel about things and where to go from there–not always an instinctive process. And I want all that and think, to a certain degree, that I already do some of that. But really, the thought that kept running through my mind the whole time was that when I find the woman that I will be that “into,” as it were, enough to really go for it, there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that she be “into” me. Seriously folks. Not looking for sympathy or reassurance. After three rejections in the past year, that’s the way I feel. And really I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. I’m so tired of all the mixed messages and the misunderstandings and the speculation and all that nonsense. I just don’t have the time or the desire to expend emotional energy into relationship matters at this point, which is probably a good place to be since I’m completely devoid of romantic interests. My brain has a limited capacity and a limited ability to process information, and the chunk of brain activity devoted to sitting around and thinking about relationship possibilities could be used in so many other ways–my relationship with God, hobbies, programs, pursuits, the future–heck, life in general. And that’s how it will be.
“if I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day.”
He’s Just Not That Into You — based on a popular episode of “Sex and the City” — educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn’t like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship. from the amazon.com description
See? This is why I love Sex and the City. I already knew these things! That, and, well, I knew a long time ago that you’re all fairly easy to read. No call, no biigie. Girls move right along too.
Hope you’re having a good day.
an edit
Some girls move right along.
and an also
How is it empowering for men? I’m sorry, but do men really need empowering? Have they not run this WORLD for eons? Something about that statement struck at my inner feminist.
*not a personal attack*not a personal attack*not a personal attack*
Prezackly. Hence the purpose of the book :)
My day’s been pretty good. I’m ready to get out of here but I’ll most likely be working late… *le sigh*
That was a bit poorly worded. I meant that in the sense that knowledge is “power,” i.e. the better informed you are the more educated and worthwhile choices you can make. Most guys aren’t very self-aware in terms of our motives and how what we do comes across–we just kind of do stuff and say stuff because it seems right at the time. So having a book that clues us in to how we’re coming across helps us understand the male-female dynamic and empowers us to make better decisions for the good of all parties involved.