don’t panic
THE WINE SAGA
*insert long instrumental intro here, composed by Philip Glass. Brian Eno works too. Just not Danny Elfman.*
Take one bottle of Georges DuBœuf Mâcon Villages, a full-flavored and versatile white wine…
Take one weird/freaky/crazy/I-can’t-believe-they-sell-stuff-like-that/and-yet-somehow-cute wine bottle outfit, complete w/hat (courtesy Mademoiselle Elyse)…
Assemble the aforementioned to produce our protagonist antihero in this epic, nine-picture-long saga. (the garments fit him perfectly, I might add).
Franco-Chinese WineMan decides to shoot the breeze with Tube-of-Candy-Stuck-Up-His-Butt SpongeBob (ironically, both WineMan’s outfit and the entirety of SpongeBob were probably manufactured in the same place).
CrazyKat decides he wants a piece of the conversation, but turns out to be quite the dullard, with ill-founded opinions and a really messed up view of the Madagascarian parliament.
So WineMan decides to take matters into his own hands and force-feeds CrazyKat a full tube of automotive fuel tank sealer goop. “Tastes like guacamole,” says CrazyKat, as he falls into a coma.
And dies. In the rain.
And there was much rejoicing.
WineMan decides to celebrate by going skiing. Well, not really…he just like to dress the part. But don’t tell him that–you might find yourself staring down the barrel of a loaded tube of fuel tank sealer goop. And you don’t want that. THE END.
Here’s your intrepid narrator in this harrowing tale of loss, redemption, and the power of the human spirit. Oscar nominations have been pouring in (most I suspect are forged, but hey, I can brag about it just the same).
*bows*
Ha!
That rocks :)
Truly frightening.
That was awesome. Hahaha. I love the wine outfit (Franco-Chinese WineMan indeed).
That was outstanding. :)
Thoroughly disturbing, no? :)
Thanks :) I tried to come with a name for him but couldn’t… Ah well.
Thank you, good sir :)
:)
heh. hehe. um. that was scary, in an amusing kind of way…
ok, i can tell that’s an empty bottle b/c you must have drank it in order to come up w/ such a delightful tale. *L*
you have just made my week :)
I was laughing SO hard, and my trying to explain it to my Chinese colleagues just made everything worse… can’t. breathe. still. eep :)
that was so fantabulous!
I think that you should make a stop action film about the above events, all you need is a digital camera, too much free time, and the aforementioned wine ;)
PS
would you mind if I referred to your post in one of my chinese communities? :)
Glad you enjoyed :) Being a pack rat does have it uses, it seems…the amount of random stuff floating around my room helps with diverting storylines.
Go for it :)
The wine bottle’s quite full, I assure you. I need to buy something suitable with which to consume it, like cheese and crackers (the ideal meal would be something like chicken parmesan or gnocchi with a white sauce, but both of those are a bit beyond my culinary prowess).
(beware future random comments from random people) :)
I really do think that you should make that stop action film, btw ;)
And… I’m sensing an amusing way to amuse ourselves with various amusements in the future: sending each other random oddities and having to come up with pictures/storylines for said objects.
That made my night ^_^
/es/\\e
OMG you are hilarious! Missing OM are we?
O_O
It even has a little hat!