I’m visiting Aaron’s small group tonight. He’s invited me several times and this is the first I’ve committed to going. The thought of a large group of people, all but one of whom I don’t know or haven’t seen in ages, makes me really, really uncomfortable. I can feel myself retreating back into solitude, which I don’t really want to do, but I hate feeling as uneasy as I do in large groups. I don’t know what to do about it. I could spend more time in groups, but it hasn’t gotten better in a while, in fact from my vantage point it almost seems like it’s gotten worse. But I’m going to ignore my feelings and go, for the sake of social interaction. I’ll adopt the mindset put forth in P&P in an exchange between Darcy and Elizabeth when she’s at the piano:
– “I have not that talent which some possess of conversing easily with strangers.”
– “I do not play this instrument so well as I would wish to, but I have always supposed that to be my own fault because I would not take the trouble of practicing.”
We shall see. I shouldn’t be this nervous about it… I feel like I’m taking a test, almost, one I haven’t studied for, at that. Erg.
Good luck. I just came off exactly this sort of binge. Mine was not successful because I found myself offering to do too many things for too many people. The next time I try to teach myself social skills, I will allocate much less of my spare time to improving someone else’s something or other.
Prayers.
I understand. That’s almost a worse situation to be in, since overcommitting means the possibility of having to break promises for your own sanity and well-being, not a good place to be. I’ve been there… Heh.