Youth group leaders’ meeting last night was significantly deeper than they’ve been in weeks past. For once, and in a healthy way, we were inwardly focused, on the team dynamics and issues that weighed on our hearts, minds, and lives. One by one we poured out our daily frustrations, the status of our journey with Him, and just life in general and how we were feeling.
I drove home replaying the revelations in my mind, marveling that I had said what I had said… I didn’t even remember half of it, but I couldn’t believe that I had opened up like I did in such a large and varied group. It wasn’t a negative or even a positive reaction, just a silent shaking of the head in incredulity.
After that dialogue, every successive conversation I’ve had has just felt…fake, inadequate…banter becomes increasingly hard to swallow. I know I have to function in those spheres of conversation in order to relate to the rest of society, but there was something present in the room last night that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It’s almost as if we were starting off on a higher plane, a level of openness and trust to begin with that cut through the initial stages usually necessary to establish that quality, and just jumped right into what was in our heart, bypassing any qualms about vulnerability, but assuming (correctly) that we could lean on one another and let them into our confidence. Some delved deeper than others into what concerned them, what weighed on their soul, to be sure, but overall I think it was a rush of cold breeze cutting through the sometimes stagnant air of our routines, encouraging us to breathe deeper again…