i don’t miss the driving
seems like forever
and i’m always driving in my mind
and wearing out the road that gets me there
What a rotten couple of days. I’d appreciate your prayers… I’ve been under some pretty heavy spiritual attack lately, between my unmotivation, and complete and utter paranoia about my job situation, even though I’m here, and it’s as secure as it can be, and they keep giving me work, which is a good sign… But every whispered conversation in the next room causes my ears to perk up a bit, every phone call is something that’s going to go wrong–it’s no way to work, to be here. Today’s been okay–I’ve been knocking stuff out, gritting through it, but I just wish the undercurrents would go away. A lot of it is because of my experience down in Florida of getting let go, and how every time I think about the experience and relive it in my mind I push it back because it was so painful, so traumatic… But I honestly don’t know what to do. I was always the good kid back in elementary school, the kid who if he got in trouble thought it was the end of the world, always the teacher’s pet, regardless of whether or not I was a particularly stellar student, and I think my experience in Florida was the epitome of “getting in trouble with the teacher,” or at least that was the source of the greatly magnified emotion that I felt. I felt like I disappointed so many people, I had let everyone down, I had failed utterly and completely, even if the job itself was complete garbage, I didn’t push through it, suck it up, grin and bear it… It was hard.
But you know what? God took care of me then, and He will now. I have a vastly better job now, which pays better, I’m surrounded by friends even if I don’t reach out to them all the time; I may be completely devoid of prospects but He’s going to take care of that too, along with everything, my development as a person, my destiny, His purpose.
*sigh* Just tell that to my gut.
Keeping you in my prayers, Matt.
I hope things take a turn for the better.
Psalms 94:12-19
Happy are those whom you discipline, Lord, and those whom you teach from your law. You give them relief from troubled times until a pit is dug for the wicked. The Lord will not reject his people; he will not abandon his own special possession. Judgment will come again for the righteous, and those who are upright will have a reward. 16 Who will protect me from the wicked? Who will stand up for me against evildoers? Unless the Lord had helped me, I would soon have died. I cried out, “I’m slipping!” and your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me. When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.
Thank you, Emily. It’s been a good day since I posted that. I’ve been productive and am really caught up on everything. So that’s a praise.
And those verses are right on, too.
And Caedmon’s Call is great :o)
You’re welcome. I’m very glad to hear that.
:)
I’ve been on a Caedmon’s Call kick for about a week now. Not that that’s a bad thing…