I feel like I’m flailing about sometimes, heart and mind grasping for something, anything, in the night air. This is a sometime. They usually come to me on Sunday nights, but I guess this one’s a day early for some reason. It’s been a productive day, even, I mean, I helped out Mike with his car, went for a drive with the guys, hung out with Joel and John, assembled my table, celebrated mom’s 50th with the rest of the family, went shopping, had a good workout… And I’m caught on this end of the day, seemingly trapped between my longings and sleep, tired but with no place to go but the bed and dreams and another day, but not wanting it for some reason, as if staying in this moment, clinging to these feelings which cling to no one at all could avail me, could fulfill them, could satisfy me. But nothing happens. I sit here; I poke around the internet; I listen to music that really doesn’t help matters, and no one comes. It’s not a plea, just a situation, a place I’m going through and have been through countless times that will deepen the experience of having companionship of a certain nature on these quiet weekend nights. And the sofa is only a short walk away. My mind jumps around, tracing the emotional constellation that appears for a split second, then vanishes into stars again, and my hands close around emptiness. There isn’t a direction right now, just an existence.
Don’t lose hope that your longings and dreams will someday be fulfilled…
This is a beautiful post… Sad, but beautiful…
Thank you, Helene :o) From the nature of your recent posts, I’m glad to know someone who understands.
I’m glad to know that you read my posts. =) I’ve been making a lot of posts about dreams lately, I’m probably beginning to sound like a broken record. =P
wow
you have put into the words the exact way i have been feeling lately, but as a new journal user, have not written it down as of yet.
I’m glad it resonates with you… Welcome :o)