more self-talk
I can’t do this. I CAN’T. Can’t can’t can’t can’t. I need some perspective in my life, and more specifically as far as my long-terms goals. I just have to come down, back away, pry the fingers of my emotions off the idea.
What am I talking about? A fledgling deal I had set up whereby a friend from another automotive community would trade his ’95 Escort wagon and this car for my Audi. Two for one, straight up, no cash involved. Of course, the Audi is running beautifully and both cars I would get from the trade have issues to varying degrees, so it’s not quite as good as it would initially sound. The Opel is mechanically perfect with 92K, but it would need some fairly major structural repair on account of a rusted out driver’s side floorpan, among a plethora of other little odds and ends. I just have the sense that it’s the sort of deal that I could sink several thousand dollars into before I realized what was happening. Of course I’d sell the Escort eventually to finance the restoration of the Opel, but I’d probably have to drive it in the meantime–really the last thing that I want to do.
It’s really rare that my desires should be so bisected in my mind. Every single rational thought I have compels me to turn away from the deal, and just about every emotional thread wants me to go through with it. My intentions don’t usually vote along such strict party lines. The rational reasons are obvious in terms of inconvenience, time, money, you name it… The Audi is more reliable, well on its way to being a 100% operational car, and is just less to worry about. Bodywork, especially of the nature that I would have to do in order to restore the Opel, is not something I’m well-versed in automotively. Any type of mechanical work is a breeze, but when it comes to sheetmetal I’m a relative newbie. And both cars are located in Michigan, just outside of Detroit, necessitating a weekend trip up there.
Then we have the emotional reasons. It’s another project. It’s something new and exciting to invest myself in, and represents the possibility of a whole new reserve of satisfaction over accomplishing something productive. Besides that, it just looks really, really cool, and I can see myself cruising around in such a car. Mechanically it’s dirt simple and reliable, so it would be easy to maintain. But it’s the coolness that really latches onto me and won’t let go. The Audi is cool to me because I appreciate all the design details and mechanical elements that are just done right on the car, but to most anybody else it just looks like another sedan. The Opel has visual character in spades, style, and to my eye a certain amount of class as well (though class is a more nebulous quality than the other two). It turns heads, it provokes comments. It’s classic, really, especially since people notice it and don’t really know what kind of car it is.
But every rational sensibility I have objects to this. I have to sacrifice this for the greater vision. I hate this, but mind over matter.
Keep the Audi man. It’s what you want in a car: 1) it works, 2) it still works, 3) it’s a stick, 4) it’s got some go but not so much that it becomes obsessive, 5) it’s a good looking car, 6) you’ve put a good deal of TCL into it already. You need a steady, stylish, quick ride. That’s what you have. You don’t need a 350Z or an RX-8. Those will come with time.
Wow, I don’t know where that came from… Do what you want to do. I won’t be offended if you totally disgard my advice, don’t worry.
There’s a good rock song on the radio now…I’ll ask you what you think of it when I remember the name.
:)
Thanks for the encouragement, D. The Audi stays. The whole experience I think can be construed as a metaphor for other areas of my life, but that’s a topic that can be a little dangerous to go into in “public” (i.e. in here), so we can talk about that later on.
What’s your schedule look like this coming week? We should meet up over at Paul’s and play XBox.
I think that’s a great idea. I don’t have soccer anymore, so I’m free in the afternoons…during which you work…and free on every night except tuesday and thursday. We all need to have one huge talk about life for once :)