evening notes
1. I keep wanting to write a poem. A long one. Ideas keep bouncing around in my mind about something a little experimental, with ambiguous distinctions between author and subject, story present and reader present, depth and surface. Something John Ashbery-ish. He is the master.
2. This morning was excellent in a way I’ve not had in a long time. I actually caught up with my billing earlier than the end of the month for once, did a little productivity review to see how productive I have to be for the rest of the month in order to meet my goal, and plowed through a good half-inch covering of papers on my desk. Sometimes it feels better to get organized than it does to accomplish actual design work.
3. I think I’m going to open an IRA in order to save myself about $600 in owed taxes. I’ve been wanting to invest money for a while now, and I think this will be a good start.
4. Sometimes I think about women that I’ve been attracted to, and how, at least initially, my level of comfortableness in approaching them has always seemed to be inversely proportional to their level of attractiveness to me. In other words, I’ll feel more awkward around a more attractive woman; I’ll have a harder time relaxing and being myself. It’s an instinctive thing; I try to talk myself out of it but it never (or rarely) works. I always thought it was kind of a function of my own personality, because I’d observe other guys who seemed to be buoyed, energized, more themselves the more unknown the social situation got. Thing is, though, I always thought about their social behavior in general, blanket situations (mixed company events like parties and the like) without thinking specifically of instances like interacting with a woman they found attractive. I have a hunch that feeling awkward and nervous around someone to whom you’re attracted is a much more universal event than my intuition surmised. But we do that, though–we isolate ourselves and convince ourselves that we’re the only ones who ever feel this way. Ha–if romantic comedies are any indication, the otherwise-suave-guy-making-an-ass-of-himself-around-attractive-girl phenomenon is ubiquitous. And we all know movies are the reflection of real life.
I’ve been wanting to write a poem lately also. However, I scare myself out of it every time that thought crosses my mind. I thought I was pretty good in high school and so did most of my friends. However, as I think about their musical choices of such great poets as Nelly and Jessica Simpson I begin to doubt their validity as lyrical critics. I’ve always wanted to write something really profound but I always look back and decide I have failed to even come close. Lately I’ve been writing more about God and I guess I feel that doesn’t have to be particularly well written as long as it’s real. Hmmm…ok…done rambling. This is Rachel by the way.
Hi Rachel! Glad to see you on here. Poetry perception and criticism is a very flighty, ephemeral thing… I try to completely disengage my evaluation of the poem until whatever thought I had is done expressing itself. Doesn’t always make for the best poem initially, but at least I have the raw material down on the page to go back and tweak and rearrange. It’s hard enough to come up with something decent on the first go-around, just staring at an empty screen or a blank sheet of paper.
Oh–I read your post, too. Don’t be intimidated by our family! We’re all just a bunch of geeks, really. For what it’s worth, we all agreed over Sunday lunch the next day that you are really great :)
Besides, if you’re as into U2 as I am (which you seem to be), that’s just…huge. Yeah. Awesome. Have you read the Bill Flanagan tour bio (a.k.a. the “Flanagan bible”)?
Hi Matt! Thanks for the encouragement. I’m not way too paranoid, I just want to make a good impression and not be so shy. Anyway, I do greatly enjoy U2 but have not read the “Flanagan bible”. Good I suppose? Anyway, I think I’m going with Dave to the Passover thing on Friday. I’ll see you there if you’re going. Have a great day.