I’m wanting your anger
I only want to see if I can shake you out of sleep
and bring you out under this flooded sky
at any price
I feel the inevitability of things today. I feel like something is going to happen soon…something big, or small, or medium-sized, but…something. I don’t know what. I can feel the anticipation. The premonition… And I want it to happen more quickly, to push through it and process it, deal with it. For all my ranting about the fact that time just seems to slip around me, pass me by much too quickly, I want to accelerate through it for once.
And the strange thing is that I don’t even know what it is, or if it’s even there in the days to come. I just…feel it. I think if I sat down and laid my thoughts out in an orderly fashion, named them aloud, and arranged them in relation to my emotions, I’d have a clearer picture of why I feel the way I do. But how important is knowing? For me, very. Sometimes unnamed feelings well up in me relative to a situation or event, and I make it a point not to act until I know at least exactly what I’m feeling… I may not know why those emotions arise, but labeling a particular emotion is the bare minimum. It’s funny how some I know instinctively, but others… I think it has to do with my familiarity with a particular situation. Having experienced a given situation narrows down the emotional pool from the range of prospects. Yet another argument for developing an affinity for experiencing new things…
I’ve spent time with God the past two nights for the first time in as long as I can remember. Granted, it’s at night, which isn’t the ideal time (it’s hard to retain anything I learn through the stretch of the night), but it’s something. Something I need. Time with Him. No brutal revelations, but some having to do with forgiveness and obedience have come up. It’s reminding me how time with Him is satisfying like nothing else could ever be.