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Why does it seem like the more I tell myself my dream is actually reality the more likely it is to be untrue? Had another flying dream last night… The one constant among the ones I’ve had is that it seems to be a matter of belief–if I believe I can do it, and overcome the self-consciousness of the silly mechanism used to initiate it (jumping up and down, running and leaping into the air, clutching a special card, etc), I lift off the ground and take flight. Last night someone else I saw in my dream had overcome her hesitance, jumped up, and began floating a few feet above the ground. It was the catalyst I needed, and I ran and lunged upwards. I fell down, but progressively my leaps began to lengthen until I finally jumped and didn’t come down. With less than a thought I rocketed upward above the cloud line and looked down at the patchwork of green below, elated. I told myself this time it was real; I could carry this with me and the ability wouldn’t leave. Then my alarm went off…

Youth group was a struggle on Saturday. Jeremy (the youth pastor) wasn’t there this week, but that wasn’t the issue. I just feel like I have no ability to relate to these 9th-grade guys, and nothing to offer them. I tried to inquire about what’s going on in their lives only to be met with stone-faced silence. I attempted to get a discussion going about the fall retreat two weeks ago and the things God did there, but no one would open up, even after my lead. I then tried to teach them how to play Loser, a card game (incidentally Stephen’s favorite), and not an unexciting game at that, but all they seem to want to do was go to the bathroom, sit on each other, and kick each other. Maybe they’ll settle down at the year progresses? Regardless, I need to sit down with Andy (my co-leader), and plan things out. We haven’t done that yet and I don’t think winging it is working. The silver lining to the youth meetings lately is that I’m getting to know some of the guys on an individual basis a lot better, like James, a blind kid that I help out quite a bit and hang out with when I can. We talk about his cell phone, his love of Mountain Dew, and I tried to explain to him at length the possible offensiveness of the word “pimp.” I think he got it… He wants to hang out with me at the Wendy’s across the street from the church in a couple of weeks (since we have bowling next week).

Ben and I are getting along really well too. He’s a junior and somewhat removed from the rest of the youth group…kind of geeky, like me, and I think that’s where our common thread comes together. The catch is that he’s a physical guy too. Case in point: We were playing two-hand tag football at the youth retreat and I was running the ball around the left side. He was on the opposing team; I had almost made it past the defense except for Ben. He could have just tagged me to bring the play to a halt, but instead decides to just absolutely take me down, which he does with flying colors–I haven’t been head over heels in a while. He said it made his weekend :o) We have fun quoting Monty Python and Spaceballs (“Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don’t mean your pals in the Winnebago!”), talking about his fencing and other stuff. I really enjoy him. I should let him know.

Went to a hockey match last night with Dad and David. My dad works for IBM and has a friend in marketing who has third-row season tickets, so we could see the checking face plants up on the glass in exquisite detail. It was a tie (1-1), but at least the ‘Canes scored their only goal in the second period, when they were going our direction, so we got to see the whole play that preceeded the goal quite well. It was good to see David again. What with college and soccer and a girlfriend he’s been more than a little busy lately. But I suppose I have as well. We make time for things that are important, and I need to make some time for him. Maybe this week.