why’d you love me in the first place
Thoughts of the past today, people, places, events, things said… It brings back an uncommon wistfulness and a length to my stare, lost in memory. Failed relationships, things perhaps irreparable but still uncertain. It’s all uncertain; everyone’s unsure, but there are somethings I held to so tenuously the bonds still exist, only buried under time and stripped of the immediate turning away so close to the moment of separation, distilled to their ideal expression. And they pull on my heart. Reams of what-ifs, responses to those, the conjuring of unlikely scenarios, the anxiousness looming over a new movement of my heart. Everything’s a risk, everyone has imperfections, it’s just…will the ranging of my emotions ever subside enough to let Him work in situations? Where is my patience? God. I just want to know.
stealing away on a sunny day
*wistful sigh*
I ask Him that occasionally as well. I always pray for patience. I hate the uncertainty of life sometimes… but if everything was predictable, we might not look forward to the future anymore.