C’était un matin très long, et je ne vois pas encore la fin de la journée.
There’s a giant poster on my wall here at the office. It’s solid grey except for the upper right corner, which says “no 5,” although it’s a bit truncated. It relieves the off-white of the walls and provides at least a semblance of another window to the room.
After that heart-stopping preface, here I am. Listening to music with the headphones, but only the right speaker covering my ear. Grey shirt, khaki pants. Timberline boots. Matching belt. Mismatched socks. 6’4″, though not sitting down. Green eyes. Red hair. Goatee in progress. My monitor looks remarkably akin to a flower on account of the post-its arrayed around the perimeter.
Had lunch with Leslie yesterday, who shared a real insight about the NH girl. She was just being real. She’s a thoughtful person, and it wasn’t that I might have been unattractive (although little things may have played a part), it’s just she thought, “Where is this going to go, really? How much of my time do I really want to fritter away on something that has little chance of coming to fruition, whatever that might look like?” It was good for me to hear. Stops the self-doubt. It’s something that should have occurred to me a long, long time ago. And it makes it easier to move on.
I have no creative energy today, just as I’ve had little this week. I could reach down and write about another memory from France or earlier in my younger days, but it would just be the same hackneyed, trite prose I always write. I always end up writing about the curtains to start out, then I lose myself in some other mishmash of sensations and crap like that. It’s old.
I don’t want to be here. I don’t know where I want to be.
you always make me use an online translator. haha.
:/
Hope everything works out, Matt. I’m sure it will.
And tall people are cool! I wish I were taller…I’m 5’8″.
Cheer up :o( Hope your day turns out a little better…whatever seems to be “bothering” you, I hope it works out…this coming from Ms. “Fix-It” who hates when she can’t make the world and everyone in it happy :o) I’ve missed talkin to ya today :o)….oh – and I like the way you write :o)
so i’m automatically cool just ’cause i’m tall? rock.
Thanks Emily :o)
Hope you got some sleep last night.
Thank you Sonja :o) Things are looking better already.
Yay :o)
yes, being tall automatically boosts your coolness level. :)
I got a bit of sleep, thanks.