Somehow it all makes sense when I talk about it with Aaron. After a brief moment of being his usual, uh-oh-here-we-go-again self, he was really great. I really appreciate hanging out with him and having him around. He was understanding, and actually listened to me… My analogy for the night was that it was like we were trying to fix a flat tire on a car that was still barreling down the highway. You need to stop, fix the tire, and then continue. But we were obstinate to the point where we lost control (which, of course, we never had in the first place). Pushing the analogy, we’ll have to see if the car is totaled or not. I hope it isn’t, but only God can make that call. Thinking metaphorically is about all my mind can do now. There’s a huge pile of tissues on my desk. I went to the gym and went through my routine rather mechanically. I feel drained of all energy of any kind.
And she’s so alone. That’s something that wrenches my heart desperately. But if I did meet with her, feelings and memories, so immediate, would come flooding back and block anything. We both know this.
I’ve decided my version of comfort food is buying things for my car. On the way back from the dining hall, I fantasized about getting a tachometer or a strut tower brace for Twinkie. I think I will. I’d have to fabricate the brace, but that’s no big deal with a good metal shop at my disposal.