’cause laughing lovers
\ncan overcome their closest demons<\/i><\/p>\n
I had to get out of the apartment last night. Just to drive around for a little while. I ventured up and down Franklin street a few times, weaving my way through Chapel Hill and Carrboro. Franklin street was overrun with all manner of students, walking up and down the sidewalks in clusters, congregating in front of the entrances to bars and clubs and whatnot. Lifted pickup trucks, SUVs, and several pimped-out Impalas pulled up around me at stoplights, subs rumbling. I drove to the video store, not that I wanted to go, but everywhere else I could have driven sounded even less appealing at that point. An episode of ATHF was playing on the in-store TV. I had seen it already. After standing in front of the drama, Shakespeare, British comedy, cult, and sci-fi sections and just staring at the rows and rows of DVDs and tapes, I rented State and Main<\/i>, since it looked good and it has Julia Stiles in it. There’s an intelligence that she exudes in most of her roles (don’t know whether it’s mirrored in real life) that I find attractive. I’ll probably watch it tomorrow afternoon or Monday.<\/p>\n
My consulting job has resumed. They called me earlier in the week wanting me to do more work. Don’t know whether they’ll fly me out west again this time. It would probably be to Phoenix, if anywhere, since that’s where the mockup of the seat is being constructed. They want gobs of sketches by Monday morning, so that’ll occupy my evening tomorrow.<\/p>\n
This thing with Natalie isn’t going to work out. I don’t sense any long-term possibilities, and during our outing with the group to go see Garden State<\/i> last Friday, conversation didn’t come very easily. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was her. I’m not sure, and while it would be nice to have someone there, someone to hang out with, open up to, and to watch a movie with, wrapped up underneath a blanket together, I would just feel like…I was using her. It’s one thing to end a relationship because you’ve realized it will never go anywhere; it’s another entirely to enter into a relationship knowing that long-term possibilities don’t exist from the get-go. I was trying to think back to if there was a period in which I thought otherwise, in which I would go out with a girl just to have someone, but there never really was, even freshman year of college (which is a whole other story). I don’t want a relationship of convenience. It’s not to say I’m going to attach overwhelming expectations on the next woman I ask out, playing for keeps, so to speak, but there are certain things I want established as constants. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. All my relationships in the past, to one degree or another, just happened<\/i>, and the next is going to be an act of volition, where I take the initiative. Yes, it will.<\/p>\n
And I hate thinking about that. I hate it. I just want to escape my thoughts, my feelings, my longings, my ambitions and desires, for just a minute or two. I don’t want to worry about it. Talking about it helps, but the irony of the matter is that the person that I would probably most open up to would be a significant other, the object of one of the issues I think about most… Ever feel like you’re just going around in circles?<\/p>\n
The church’s ladies’ Bible study wants a poster made for tomorrow morning. Now to make myself some cheese Triscuits and to find some posterboard and markers…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
’cause laughing lovers can overcome their closest demons I had to get out of the apartment last night. Just to drive around for a little while. I ventured up and down Franklin street a few times, weaving my way through Chapel Hill and Carrboro. Franklin street was overrun with all manner of students, walking up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/819"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=819"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/819\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=819"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=819"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=819"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}