I’ve had Vienna Teng’s “Gravity” going through my head all day today… It’s a song I initially passed over when listening to the album, but on repeated listens it’s grown into my favorite. Amazing, far-ranging, deep-feeling music, especially when she launches into the final verse… It’s just…arresting.<\/p>\n
I’ve been asking myself the hard questions this evening. After dinner at Maggiano’s with the family, f\u00eating my grandmother’s birthday, I walked around Barnes & Noble at the mall, thumbing through the magazine racks and looking for a David Gray album or a travel book to buy. Didn’t find what I was looking for, but as I turned to leave, a table caught my eye, one with an assortment of politically-themed books, among them the 9\/11 Commission report. I picked it up and started skimming through it, reading the sequence of events that led to the attacks. I read how the terrorists got on the planes and the chronological bits of informations gleaned from various sources, compiled into the dry, factual (as it should be) narrative. The wave of emotion that caught me when I read the transcripts of the frantic cell phone calls from the final moments of the flights was overwhelming, especially the account of the flight that crashed in the Pennsylvania field after the passengers rushed the cockpit. I couldn’t read any more. Not earlier tonight, at least–my mom bought a copy, I might snag it from the house next time I’m there. But those pages started the assault of questions that hasn’t let up since. Would I do that? Would I respond in the same way to an immediate threat? Would I have the courage to do something like that, or would I just sit where I was told, hoping it would all blow over, or that it was just some misunderstanding? It’s a given that I would want myself to act bravely in a situation like that, but like so many things, there’s no way to know how you’ll respond until you’re in that place. How does one prepare, then, for something like that? I can’t exactly practice; I can’t conjure up crises to overcome; it’s not a matter of setting my mind to it like other abstract qualities like diligence or discipline.<\/p>\n
I think part of the answer came to me in my mindset about a parallel strain of activities. Of course the scale is much smaller, but my mindset about the concept of chivalry, looking out for the members of the opposite sex, has always been that if I want to be protective and decisive and all those qualities that a man should<\/i> have as regards the fairer sex, they’re formed through the practice of the smaller things. If I discipline my mind to adopt the tack of looking out for them whenever they’re around, opening the door whenever I have the chance, going out of my way and such, that those reflexes, developed on a smaller scale, will come to bear when a crisis arises of a more serious nature.<\/p>\n
And I think it’s the same way with larger concepts like bravery and self-sacrifice. It’s almost like developing a habit, to use a seemingly lesser concept. I need to discipline my mind to be alert and quick to evaluate possibilities and solutions as far as those in my immediate sphere are concerned when things arise that create pressure, of whatever nature and intensity you will. That’s the core of the matter\u2014developing the necessary instincts for bravery a little at a time, every day, with the small actions. There’s really nothing else I can<\/i> do, to be truthful… That’s it. And to pray for the courage to put my own safety on the line should the situation arise.<\/p>\n
Still doesn’t quell the lump in my stomach, though. I wish I knew. But what good would knowing do me? And I go around again…<\/p>\n
I think I need sleep.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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