little breakdowns
\nin costal towns
\nthey come suddenly
\ncrashing over you
\nthey come easily<\/i><\/p>\n
Fog was thick this morning, palpable almost.<\/p>\n
Morning routine was by rote. As long as I don’t physically stop or sit down anywhere I can make it out the door in a reasonable amount of time, although clothes for work were a bit hard to find, which slowed me down. I’m so listless, so tired. Keeping the right posture in my chair is a struggle. Very few of you can read this, and I’m jumping around. Months go by and I haven’t found her… Things, I don’t know what exactly, wear thin. I want so many things, the comfort, the help, the conversation, the advice, the companionship, the physical closeness and that means of expressing love… …and the beauty, oh the beauty. But I won’t invest myself fully in someone if it’s not meant to be… I won’t go out with someone as a utilitarian, pragmatic gesture; just to have someone there–I don’t want a woman, I don’t want a girlfriend or a wife, objectively, I want her.<\/i> Just one.<\/p>\n
I want to lie down beside her in bed, her back against me, my arms around her, my legs tucked up underneath hers, my nose brushing the back of her head ever so slightly (but without tickling, paradoxically) underneath mounds of blankets on a cold winter night. To feel the rise and fall of her body from the gentle breathing… I want to sit across from her on a porch swing on a late fall afternoon, reading. I want to walk with her, hand in mine, and laugh… Washing dishes together, listening to the radio and talking… Planning together, deciphering life. Being proud of her as her ambitions come to fruition. Among other things.<\/p>\n
Have I wasted these moments? Or are the true ones yet to come?<\/p>\n
I don’t usually post these. I keep it inside.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
little breakdowns in costal towns they come suddenly crashing over you they come easily Fog was thick this morning, palpable almost. Morning routine was by rote. As long as I don’t physically stop or sit down anywhere I can make it out the door in a reasonable amount of time, although clothes for work were […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/612"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=612"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/612\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=612"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=612"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=612"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}