What was going to be a nice little routine computer health checkup has turned into a total machine overhaul and possible upgrade… *sigh* My little G3 tower here at work was giving me a few issues here and there, so I called our (very nice) tech support person to come over and give it the once-over. Well, in the name of “diagnosis,” the computer crashed and we had a bit of a scare earlier when it wouldn’t boot, and I hadn’t backed up everything on my hard drive. But all is well–she’s burning my files to CD as we speak (I’m on Julie’s old machine at the moment so’s I can be reasonably *cough* productive).<\/p>\n
Went for a run last night (for the fourth time in a week–go me), and in that head-clearing, deep-thought-provoking idiom that always seems to come over me when I’m running and makes me wish I had a little digital recorder or something so I could remember later the things I think about, or at least the way I think about them, because they’re usually things pressing on my mind in normal routine, and…I forgot how to finish this sentence. In any case, thinking about romantic interests and the possibilities and improbabilities and curiosities, it struck me that in a lot of ways, the way my emotions respond hasn’t changed any since high school, or before. I still do the same things; I’m just more self-aware and can anticipate and (hopefully) deal with things better, although the very nature of these emotions makes it hard to hoist mind over matter sometimes. In particular, I thought about a certain girl that I see from a distance, that I’ve not talked to in quite a while, but who I at least see on a fairly regular basis, and how similar my feelings surrounding that are to a situation in high school, when the lack of shared situations seemed to give my heart and mind license to concoct an ideal, albeit likely fictional, personality for her, and imagined interactions with myself. In other words, I start idealizing now just like I did then, and any chance at normal interaction, should the moment come, is hampered from the get-go by the wall of amassed thoughts about her that would assault me should we strike up a conversation. It’s depressing, really. But it’s almost like I instinctively search out these scenarios–my heart exists in a vacuum of romantic notions for very short periods of time indeed.<\/p>\n
But at least I’m self-aware enough to know that it’s idealization. That puts me ahead of the curve, right? Gahh. Who knows.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
What was going to be a nice little routine computer health checkup has turned into a total machine overhaul and possible upgrade… *sigh* My little G3 tower here at work was giving me a few issues here and there, so I called our (very nice) tech support person to come over and give it the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/592"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=592"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/592\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=592"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=592"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=592"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}