Once upon a time there was a tiny, adorable, cute little can of cranberry sauce and its name was Cran-Tinkle. All the ladies and girls in the city of Gronzinsky were obsessed with Cran-Tinkle and wanted it for their Thanksgiving meal, even though it wouldn’t feed much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So the first day of Thanksgiving shopping season arrived and a mob of ladies and girls rushed the grocery store with such force that they ripped the doors off their hinges and blew a hole twice the original size in the side of the grocery store.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cran-Tinkle was located at the back of the store, so it would take the ladies a while to make it to the can. They fought with torches and pitchforks and swords and catapults and bo-staffs and were almost to the can when a tank appeared and rolled over them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A woman popped out of the tank’s hatch and said “My name is Olga, and Cran-Tinkle is mine!” But just as she was about to grab the can, a bomb landed on her, cratering the middle of the store.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A fighter jet landed in the parking lot, and a woman opened the canopy and said “My name is Artanian, and Cran-Tinkle is mine!” But just as Artanian was about to grab the can, a battleship cruised over her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The captain jumped off the deck and said “My name is Jennifer, and Cran-Tinkle is mine!” But just as Jennifer was about to grab the can…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Once upon a time there was a tiny, adorable, cute little can of cranberry sauce and its name was Cran-Tinkle. All the ladies and girls in the city of Gronzinsky were obsessed with Cran-Tinkle and wanted it for their Thanksgiving meal, even though it wouldn’t feed much. So the first day of Thanksgiving shopping season […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[56],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2443"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2443"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2443\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2444,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2443\/revisions\/2444"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2443"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2443"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2443"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}