Several nights in a row of frequently-interrupted sleep gives the days a surreal quality. I can handle interruption on a schedule fairly well; that is, if she gets hungry around a certain time every night then goes back to bed, but she’s going through a growth spurt at the moment and that throws everything out of whack. But such is our charge, and we will delight in it and in her.<\/p>\n
I used to read articles about people who succumbed to the allure of online sites that let them create an avatar, or alter-ego, and interact with others via whatever framework was provided. Many of them would create alter-egos that became more real, or at least significant to them, than the interaction in their actual lives. I remember reading those articles with a degree of disdain for those described, priding myself on my ability, or so I thought, to keep the internet at a healthy distance and the elements of my life in a good state of balance.<\/p>\n
I brought some new music to work this morning to upload onto my iTunes. I do this fairly frequently and have amassed quite a collection. Among the songs I brought was Angie Aparo’s “Spaceship,” which I hadn’t listened to in ages. It was the song, back in December of 2000, that inspired the selection of my LiveJournal username, and I used to jokingly refer to it as my journal’s “theme song.” I loved the combination of surreal verses, e.g.<\/p>\n
When you gonna grow up
Momma always said
But I just wanna walk around with a dollar bill
And a coat that never sheds
A spaceship landed on the water
It was a holiday for the underpaid
Everybody got a haircut and lemonade
And they smiled just like it was their father<\/p><\/blockquote>\nwith the uplifting chorus:<\/p>\n
If you get tired of satellite flyers
And fame has let you down
Under the wire and over the moon
I\u2019m around<\/p><\/blockquote>\nThe song wasn’t a hit back in its day, and while the music is serviceable and the singing is quite good, the production isn’t great. Still, at the time it was as significant as anything else. And somehow, listening to it afresh this morning, coupled with a decent amount of distance from the time when I was immersed in that journal, made me realize just how significant that “identity” was to me in its day. It was an “internexistential” moment, if you will. While I never consciously tried to represent myself as someone I wasn’t, I certainly put effort toward emphasizing select parts of my personality. But it wasn’t true vulnerability; that’s for sure. I put so much time and energy into that journal, much of it directed at “pruning,” making my presence there more streamlined, as the appearance of simplicity takes effort. I liked who I was; I was proud of “spaceship.” Matt<\/i> seemed a little boring, a little mundane in comparison, and it was hard to let go. But I feel like I’ve reclaimed a part of me that only existed in the virtual world up until then; things I used to commit only to journal entries form topics of conversation now with Diane and others. And while verbal interaction may seem more transient than the written word, it can communicate more, and still has the potential to affect people deeply. Besides, I don’t intend to let whatever meager writing skills I developed during my 6-year devotion to that outlet wither away. So hopefully I will have the best of both worlds.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Several nights in a row of frequently-interrupted sleep gives the days a surreal quality. I can handle interruption on a schedule fairly well; that is, if she gets hungry around a certain time every night then goes back to bed, but she’s going through a growth spurt at the moment and that throws everything out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1391"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1391"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1391\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1391"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1391"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1391"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}