Matt’s pearls of wisdom for Sunday, November 11:<\/p>\n
1. When the gas gauge on your car reads “E,” it means “EMPTY,” not “Eventually you might want to start thinking about considering the possibility of perhaps beginning the thought process of choosing a gas station at which to fill me up.”<\/p>\n
Positive effects of heeding this advice (your results may vary): You won’t coast to a halt on the Durham freeway and have to hitchhike with a very nice couple from El Salvador, who, while very thoughtful, also speak very little English, making directions to the nearest gas station a challenge to communicate, and, having made it to the gas station, you will not have to buy a gallon of water only to prompty pour it all out, watering the gas station’s flowers in the process, since the friendly, helpful folks at said gas station didn’t have a GAS CAN. Hmm.<\/p>\n
2. When your automatic transmission-equipped car doesn’t start for some reason, make sure it’s in PARK, not DRIVE.<\/p>\n
Positive effects of heeding this advice (once again, your results may vary): After the above gas acquisition experience, you won’t spend $90 on a new starter and a whole Sunday morning trying to get over the the Cary Towne Center mall parking lot before the mall opens so you can fix your car yourself, only to discover that it was really in Drive, not Park, you numbskull, and so avoiding a trip back to Advance Auto, where the clerks and you have a good friendly laugh as you return the starter before you drive home, starving.<\/p>\n
3. Pick a hobby that will not frustrate the tar out of you, but will relax and soothe your nerves and\/or thrill you with no possibility of aggravation.<\/p>\n
Positive effects of heeding this advice (you know the drill): You won’t spend all afternoon trying to fix your father’s classic car, which, while admirably easy to work on, will not work properly (oh, the irony), and, after you’ve set everything up by the book and by the very reputable video you spent 4 hours watching, the car will not proceed to spit a mild gusher of fuel out of the float bowl vent tube onto the hot exhaust manifold, creating a minor emergency for which you very nearly need a fire extinguisher.<\/p>\n
Remember all that stuff in my previous post about struggling to become a man? It’s still valid.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Matt’s pearls of wisdom for Sunday, November 11: 1. When the gas gauge on your car reads “E,” it means “EMPTY,” not “Eventually you might want to start thinking about considering the possibility of perhaps beginning the thought process of choosing a gas station at which to fill me up.” Positive effects of heeding this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/107"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=107"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/107\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=107"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=107"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=107"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}