then you couldn’t make things new
In the wake of some considered thought, I’ve decided that the words “I love you” don’t mean that much to me.
That’s an exaggeration of course, but it is true that being told that I’m loved, in isolation, may not resonate with me like it does with some others. It’s significant for me when I make the decision to say it to someone else, and while the hope is that the words will be offered in return, the content of the expression itself doesn’t move me as deeply as certain other declarations, such as:
- You’re doing a good job
- I’m proud to be with you
- You’re enough
- Thank you for what you do for me/us
- I admire you
If anyone wanted to really reassure me of their devotion and send me into internal raptures, saying (and meaning!) any of those would do the trick. For me, those are the subatomic particles of the element of love, the constituent protons and electrons that give the old familiar word its identity and structure. I’d like to think I hear them embedded within “I love you,” but experience has shown me that isn’t always the case. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being told someone considers me handsome, or complimented in another surface-level way, but a partner is going to get a lot more emotional mileage out of any of the pronouncements listed above.
I should probably also address the obvious possibility that part of the reason why the 3-word construction may have lost some of its luster is that I’ve been told that in every significant romantic relationship (4 times now), and every time, its connotations of fidelity and devotion have been walked away from, or broken outright. I half-jokingly commented a number of posts down that considering what’s happened to me, my lack of cynicism is noteworthy; well, maybe it’s there, but just buried in my subconscious, manifesting itself through a lack of emotional response to a declaration that would mean everything to anyone else. If that’s the case, who knows; maybe time will restore the expression’s resonance, coupled with an effort on my part to actively believe what the other party means when they say the words. It’s going to take intentionality; that much I know.