are you gonna stay the night
I suppose they could all be interchangeable in the end, all these girls in my dreams. They have unique features and are associated with real-life acquaintances, obviously, but the common thread between all of them is that they exhibit a certain kind of interest in me. I don’t recall them individually well enough to remember whether that interest takes on a particular tone or nuance depending on the girl, but the interest, however manifested, is the constant.
And I know they’re all caricatures; they have no connection whatsoever to their real-life counterparts except a few superficial features and a name, along with perhaps a couple of overarching personality traits I may be aware of, if my mind should choose to fit those in, but I still get swept away. That touches on a longstanding question about my feelings vis-a-vis dreams: Is it the situation itself in the dream that causes me to feel so strongly, or are my emotions “hypercharged” by the dream state, magnified out of proportion to the situation that creates them? I have hunch it’s a bit of both. Whatever the case, yet again, I carry it with me throughout the day, and it provides a nice counterpoint to the fact that my life is in shambles at the moment.
What happened? How did I end up here, in a house I dislike, with a job I hate, with a wife who no longer respects or loves me and has one foot out the door, with a son who has no understanding of discipline or self-control, and in a somewhat (though not totally) precarious financial position? I don’t want this to turn into another self-pity session, but when is something going to change, Lord? Just one thing.
Probably me, huh?