shields and orogens
One of Diane’s close friends is having a really rough time of it in her marriage. Diane’s been abreast of the situation for some time now and she informs me a little of the goings-on, without divulging too much detail.
It’s hard to hear about. Their marriage is strained to the breaking point. I think the emotion that flares up the most strongly for me as a husband is anger when I hear about the husband’s seeming apathy toward his failing marriage and his wife. It’s…I just…I dunno. Toward my wife: love, certainly; anger, very seldom but occasional, but apathy? The point of not caring is a very, very scary place to be, someplace I will never allow myself to go. It doesn’t matter what happens–we work it out, period. Putting less than my best foot forward when it comes to mending things would show not only my contempt for my spouse, but would display contempt for the sacredness of the whole institution. During that ceremony a little over two years ago, I placed myself and my wife under the authority of God (not like we weren’t there already as individuals, but His creation of a married couple necessarily gives Him ultimate jurisdiction in that area as well) and made us accountable to the witnesses in attendance. There are a multitude of persons we’d have to answer to if we let things fall apart, not to mention the fallout in other areas, and… I can’t think that way for too long (about the what-ifs); the bottom line is I just have no patience for people who let things go without a fight.
And call me old-fashioned, but isn’t it primarily the husband’s responsibility to put up that fight? I do call myself a complementarian when it comes to marriage, meaning that we as husbands and wives have unique (in substance) but equal (in value) roles, and one of the husband’s roles is very much to pursue his wife, even after the wedding ceremony. That pursuit manifests itself not just in the typical romantic channels, but also when it comes to principles and values that are higher than individual sensibilities–the existence of which principles has all but been forgotten nowadays. There are greater things in this life than our feelings, higher things, things worth fighting for, dying for. The crux of the matter is that it’s the husband’s responsibility to always bear that in mind when it comes his marriage. Fight for it. Die (to self) for it, as you would any other non-negotiable in the Word. Anything less is cowardly. I am ashamed of husbands who are so gutless they would play the victim card at the expense of their wife and their marriage. It’s the diametrical opposite of what we’re meant to do.