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With Luke, it isn’t so much what he loves as how he loves it. I’m realizing this lately. Actually, I think it’s something we’ve realized for a while, but with him getting older, and his approach to his interests maturing accordingly, it’s brought the realization into sharper focus.

What I mean by my initial statement is this: The common thread that ties Luke’s passions together isn’t necessarily what an outsider would think it would be, on first glance. For example, he’s interested in the planets, and by extension space, so logically, one would assume he’d have at least some interest in, say, astronauts or spacecraft or rockets or things like that, right? And it’s not to say doesn’t—he does, to a degree—but in our observation, he’s far more interested in aspects of his space interest that he can organize and systematize in his mind. That process of organization and systematization is the modus operandi that ties his interests together, as opposed to elements more intrinsic to the interests themselves. Again, it’s more how that what.

I can relate. With me, the appeal of airplanes, at least in my early years, wasn’t first and foremost things you might expect: the speed, or the flying (though those things were present)—it was the aesthetics. It was the way the airplanes looked that drew me, and that aesthetic fascination was part of the reason I connected interests as seemingly disparate as, say, aircraft and whales. They both had the streamlined, teardrop shape that I was after. Another way of putting it is there was as much of me as there was of the interest itself in whatever I was into. The interest and I “met in the middle,” so to speak.

Same goes for Luke. Focusing on his how instead of the what explains the connection between the geography interest, the astronomy interest and the way he systematizes information about each of his friends and family members, among other things. It helps explain his conversational style, and part of why he has such a hard time with discipline—the overarching “grid” of behavior and consequence is really hard for his mind to grasp. Every situation is a little different from the last, and that difference throws him off the track completely.

I want to use that knowledge of him going forward. I want to introduce new interests, or reintroduce older ones that have “glanced off,” into his rubric of how, rather than presenting them conventionally. Hopefully, it’ll help flesh out the number of subjects he can relate to, and create jumping-off points for deeper topics of discussion.

The joy of parenting reared its ugly head again this evening… Dinner was done, yesterday was payday and it was time for the weekly shopping trip. Diane hadn’t been feeling well all day so Luke and I made the trek to Wal-Mart, (extensive) list in hand.

It’s not like we hadn’t done it before–Luke is actually really good in stores, very patient, chatty, friendly and all the rest. We’d even made at least one, possibly two, lengthy trips to Wal-Mart before with the intent of making good progress in acquiring the week’s necessities. So it’s not like it was uncharted territory.

Luke’s in a funny place as far as his development is concerned. As soon as I say that, though, I have to swiftly amend my statement to disclaim that Luke is a unique boy in many (most?) aspects of his development: far ahead in some areas, significantly behind in others. He’s never had a problem acclimating himself to new groups of people; case in point: When we were visiting churches, I’d just drop him off in Sunday School each different church and he didn’t show any uneasiness in just sauntering into the classroom and making himself at home. These days he’s friendly to a fault. He offers a cheery “Hello!” to anyone within earshot (and often yells it when they’re some distance away), usually followed up with some chipper comment about his age or our activities, i.e. “I’m six years old!” or “We’re taking the trash out!” It’s cute and I encourage his friendliness, within the boundaries of social norms and conventions, but just knowing him as we do, it’s a fragment of an overall picture of a boy who’s not overly concerned by how others perceive him.

In the grand scheme of things, this is good; however, a knowledge of how one comes across is often very helpful in many ways, a few of which are empathizing with others (an area in which he lags) and grasping the principles behind social conventions without having to have each one explained in exhaustive detail–and even then it’s a toss-up as to whether he gets it.

What does this have to do with our trip to Wal-Mart today, you ask? About halfway through our trip, fortunately in a near-deserted aisle, Luke pinched his finger very mildly between two portions of the cart’s structure. His response was a blood-curdling yell, subsequent yells, thrashing about, hitting everything in sight and general pandemonium. I contained the situation as best I could and once again explained that getting hurt wasn’t a no-no, but not being self-controlled was. I held him as he wound down, deposited him back in the cart and we continued shopping. Needless to say, though, I was rattled for at least 20 minutes, possibly more, as we wrapped up our trip.

I know every kid has to learn that yelling at the top of his lungs in a crowded space will inevitably bother those around him. Maybe Luke is on track compared to other kids in his apprehension of that reality. I guess it just seems like at 6 years old he should have gotten it by now. Tantrums are more characteristic of the younger set, kids Penelope’s age and the like. Prayers appreciated for wisdom in knowing how to teach Luke to temper his emotional outbursts, communicate through them and bring them under control.

In other situations, say, when we know we’ll have to turn a request of his down and there could be some back-talk, it’s easier for us as parents to anticipate the outburst and “prep” him, i.e. “Luke, Daddy’s going to tell you something and you need to choose what kind of attitude you’re going to have when Daddy tells you. If you show Daddy you have a bad attitude, there will be consequences. Now, what kind of attitude are you going to have?” He’ll answer “A good one,” and then we’ll continue with the conversation. He generally does very well when prepped, but how do you prep a kid to control his response when he gets hurt? There’s no way to step in between the event and the outburst, so the best you can do is stay engaged and try to prep him in a situation where he might possibly hurt himself, like before a meal where the food being served is hot and he might burn his mouth. An explanation of the possible incident and the consequences of certain responses is about all we have in that scenario.

So it’s tricky. Again, prayers appreciated. Kids are a magnificent challenge, all the time.