-- MATT'S RULES {GUIDELINES} OF CONVERSATION --

I am by no means an authority on this subject (is anyone?); these are simply a few of the lessons I've learned (some the hard way) in five-odd years of experience.  Almost all of these rules have exceptions here and there.  Most importantly, be yourself.  Period.

1.  It's not about you, it's about them.
--  A very important rule.  (which is perhaps why it's number one)  Conversation is about getting to know the other person, not building yourself up in their eyes or trying to impress them.  If the word "I" or "me" comes up more often than the word "you" in conversation, you may want to start asking a few more questions.
2.  Eye contact.
--  Maintain eye contact when you can, especially when they're talking. Eye contact shows that you're interested in what they have to say.  It's recommended that you probably break eye contact sometimes, to avoid leering.
3.  Ask questions.
--  Keep asking.  People love it when you're interested in their lives.  For even deeper conversations, ask "what," "why," or "how" questions and not "when," or "did" {potential one-word answer questions}
4.  Don't act interested, be interested.
--  Don't fake interest.  For one thing, it's almost impossible to do convincingly, and secondly, if your mind is really engaged in the conversation, questions will come more easily.
5.  Establish a common ground.
--  Along with no.1 comes the counter-rule:  Don't be afraid to talk about yourself.  But always do it in the hopes of establishing a common link with the other person, which means:  Avoid making incredibly random comments that they cannot relate to.
6.  Tell stories.
--  Share your experiences along common lines.  Not all stories have to be funny.  Not all stories have to be long, or short, or even meaningful, but always keep them tasteful and appropriate.
7.  Smile and laugh.
--  Laugh with them.  Laugh when they say something really funny.  It doesn't have to be you cracking all the jokes.  And laugh genuinely.  People recognize fake laughter very easily.  Remember to smile often, too, especially if you can't muster a laugh.
8.  Don't avoid small talk, but use it as a stepping-stone.
--  Some people are absolutely allergic to talking about the weather, or sports, or the news.  These subjects should not be off-limits, but don't dwell on them unless it becomes a "common ground."
9.  Never fish for compliments
--  People always see through someone who fishes for compliments.  They seem shallow and insecure.  Be confident in who you are.  Compliments should be an occasional spice taken with grace {a simple "thank you" will do almost all of the time, and you should hardly ever refuse a compliment}, not the main course.
10.  Don't be afraid of silence.
--  Sometimes the deepest bonding with someone takes place in silence.
11.  Never use profanity.
--  Never swear or cuss.  Even mild profanity like "h**l" and "d**n" is absolutely off-limits.  You may disregard it in retrospect, but people notice every time you swear, and remember it.
12.  Violence is not funny.
--  Self-explanatory.
13.  Keep your hands to yourself.
--  This is especially applicable to guy-girl conversations.  Girls must initiate all contact {including hugs} except a handshake.  Girls are very protective of their bodies, and although some may be more than others, those around you notice your actions and respond to you accordingly.  If you keep your hands to yourself, girls will feel like they can approach you and trust you more easily. 14.  Everyone likes you even if you haven't said a single word all night.
--  You don't have to be the center of attention all the time (or any of the time) for people to like and respect you.
15.  Don't over-apologize.
--  Over-apologizing can be incredibly tedious for the other person as well as you.  Often one simple "sorry" will do.  Avoid excuses as well unless they ask for them.
16.  Don't be afraid to disagree with someone.
-- This is what's called "personality."  Your own personal set of likes and dislikes, beliefs, values, hopes, and fears.  The fact that you're your own person and you don't see the world the way everyone else does.
17.  Always offer to share the other person's burdens.
--  Don't be over-eager to do favors, but if the situation comes up and you see they might need some help with something, by all means extend yourself to them.  And when the context permits, offer to pray for them, and follow through on it.
18.  Be sensitive to the other's person's desire to end the conversation.
--  If the other person is hinting or suggesting that they want/need to go, end the conversation gracefully and with economy.  Long, dragged-out goodbyes are (except in very rare circumstances) tedious and taxing for both parties.
19.  Don't be self-conscious.
--  Perhaps the number one thing that allows you to focus and relate to the other person is taking the focus off of yourself.  Stop noticing the little things you do and your little mannerisms and get your mind into the conversation.  You will seem more confident as well.
20.  Accept the fact that you're not going to 'click' with everyone.
-- This rule is pretty self-explanatory.  You're just not going to have the most brisk and lively conversation with everyone you come across, no matter how hard you try and no matter how bad you want to.