Europe seems more and more distant these days. I just read the word “ausfahrt” in my list of interests, and instead of provoking an immediate memory of how we laughed and laughed about it in Germany (and afterwards), it just seemed like another word. The connection was dissolving. I wish I were back there. I wish I had a job there and an apartment somewhere on the outskirts of one of the smaller towns inland, like Tourettes or Vence or even La Gaude. I also wish I were dating F\u00e9licie, too. I wonder if it was my imagination, or whether we actually had some chemistry. I was on “entertaining” mode a bit more than usual (which is to say, some, haha), but I did receive a look from her more than once of the nature that would cause my heart to skip half a beat in any other circumstance. And when she had to leave, the look, the “Apr\u00e8s toutes ces ann\u00e9es,” the soft running of her fingers across the top of my shoulders… I wanted to block out the rest of the company and just exist with her for a few minutes. Such beauty. I’ve not been able to get over it since. It’s part of what made that night perfect–her smile, her laugh, the avid interplay of words and her patience with my bumbling French.<\/p>\n
I don’t really know her, though. I have a mental image of her, of her attributes and personality, but I know very little of factual value. I’m careful of guard my heart from being overwhelmed, from building a romantic image of her that I want to see, now that she isn’t here, but my curiosity still overwhelms me–just the desire to get to know her, to see if there’s the chance that my hopes could be true.<\/p>\n
I’m so torn. Follow the dream (and it is a dream at this point) or follow the girl and the country. Granted, the qualities of the country are more fixed, more certain than the situation with the girl, and if I knew certain things for sure I might really go the latter route, but I have to be true to what’s been on the forefront of my agenda for so long. I have to try. I couldn’t brook the regret of not knowing<\/i> if years down the road I looked back after not having gone for it. Money. What’s money. Money’s the problem, always the problem–but if it’s in God’s plan and timing for this point in my life, He’ll provide the finances. I know He will.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Europe seems more and more distant these days. I just read the word “ausfahrt” in my list of interests, and instead of provoking an immediate memory of how we laughed and laughed about it in Germany (and afterwards), it just seemed like another word. The connection was dissolving. I wish I were back there. I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/812"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=812"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/812\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=812"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=812"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.boldulysses.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=812"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}